uhhh idk, i hate choosing titles!

I'm sorry, this is all that I have been blogging about lately but its kinda all I've thought about. In sunday school on Sunday this quote was read from the manual. Here it is with my interjections added.
Elder Boyd K. Packer said:

“Shortly after I was called as a General Authority, I went to Elder Harold B. Lee for counsel. He listened very carefully to my problem and suggested that I see President David O. McKay. President McKay counseled me as to the direction I should go[I've recieved counsel to what I need to do]. I was very willing to be obedient but saw no way possible for me to do as he counseled me to do[exactly. How can I do this?!?! That is exactly what has been running through my mind].

“I returned to Elder Lee and told him that I saw no way to move in the direction I was counseled to go[mmhmm]. He said, ‘The trouble with you is you want to see the end from the beginning.’ I replied that I would like to see at least a step or two ahead[well yeah.. I'm soo apprehensive as to what will happen next!]. Then came the lesson of a lifetime: ‘You must learn to walk to the edge of the light, and then a few steps into the darkness; then the light will appear and show the way before you’ [which is just the lesson I need to learn]” (“The Edge of the Light,” BYU Today, Mar. 1991, 22–23).

Thanks Brother {he who shall not be named} for reading that to us. I was like "what?! thats exactly what I'm doing!" Oh and I think you're going to do an incredible job at teaching us. I know you're scared to embark on this journey, but seriously, after that first lesson I'm looking foward to every other week when you get to teach us. It's okay that you've only recently reactivated, I think you're great!

In other news- my nephew was born saturday night just before midnight. yes sir, he's a definite keeper:)

Gratitude

So much relief. Its definitely not over yet, but today has made me feel so much better about my decision. I know that my Heavenly Father is guiding me to just take a leap of faith and let Him point me in the right direction. Its definitely one of the hardest things I've ever done, but now I know that I need to.

I was talking to a friend about it today and she made me feel so much better about it. I know that it'll all be okay even if it'll be hard, and I know that it will be. And people like her will be there for me. She just completely reassured me, as she's gone through a similar situation, that I won't regret it and it really will be better in the long run. But then, I keep having these worries and doubts that it really won't be better, and just then, as these qualms creeped into my mind, a different friend had read my blog and asked me about it and honestly cared, and then my cousin said she had a feeling that she should text me and see how I was doing- right then. Heavenly Father really is looking out for me. And then I read comments from the last post I wrote and it has just made me feel so much more at peace about everything. There really are people out there that care about me and believe in me and know that I can be strong and get through this. So thanks to all of you. Really.

mechale lauren

When life gets you down you know what you gotta do?...

...just keep swimming.

**Disclaimer: Much of this post won't make sense... It's more of my ramblings than anything.**

I'm done.

I don't know why, but I'm just so frustrated lately. Actually I do know why. My grades are seriously no bueno right now and school's out in about 2 1/2 weeks and I don't know if some of my grades can get up. And on top of that I have a huge decision to make. What is that decision? Oh you know, just one that I'm keeping out of the cyber world at the moment:)

I've been so stressed out about it this week. I feel like I sortof know what I'm supposed to do, but I just don't know for sure. Its too hard. Yes, I've prayed about it and done my best to find answers in the scriptures, New Era, Conference talks, old EFY manuals, you name it, but nothing is clicking yet. How do you make a change in your life that affects every aspect of it in a huge way? I've made a pros and cons list too and it doesn't seem to help. I just don't know. I wonder if there's a way that I can change the situation without taking drastic measures because those drastic measures are the ones I'm wary about. I don't want to lose this part of my life, but in return I'd gain something more valuable, I think. Nothing about it is clear at the moment. Ugh. I have no clue what to do.

for a rainy day

i just happened upon this lovely ditty
as well as this one-

both sung by Tanya Davis and art by Andrea Dorfman

hmm yep, they're fun. i like.