**Please excuse my incoherent remarks and stream of conscious. Also, this post is for me. I'm in NO WAY trying to sound stuck up or cocky or humble or whatever. This truly is something that is hard for me to deal with.**
I'm getting a little tired of hearing "35."
Its making for awkward situations. I told 4 people. Hannah, Natalie, Johnny and Jane. The first three were with me when I found out. Why does everyone know?
They say good job and I say thanks. And then what am I supposed to say? I ask them what they got. Just because mine might have been higher they can't tell me? And then I tell them that theirs is good because I honestly think it is but they say I'm just being nice. But then by telling them theirs is good am I making mine sound like I think its spectacular? That's not the goal. I'm thrilled for them. I'm proud of myself, but I don't want everyone knowing about it. I don't know how mine happened. I studied, I tried. What more am I supposed to say?
Then the counselors call me in to meet with ALL of them.... uhhh. okay, weird. Then we discuss my plans and I realize that my dreams could come true. It's a good feeling.
But maybe lets just keep this quiet. I'm not appreciating this attention from everyone and their dog. Why hasn't it blown over yet? Why does everyone know?
Sometimes I hate being the smart one. I HATE it. I hate the feeling of being used for tutoring. I hate the feeling of not doing well and disappointing my parents. I hate the feeling of people labeling you "smart." I hate the feeling that people expect perfection.
So what if I would love to go to Stanford. So what if I want to be a mechanical engineer.
I love school. I'm extremely grateful that my brain comprehends and processes well. I truly am. But sometimes its hard. I'm sick of saying "umm, I got a 4.0" "yeah, I'm in AP Calc BC." I'm sick of jaws dropping. What am I supposed to say other than "thanks?" It's not easy. I hate when my friends say they'd trade anything for my brain. Life is a lot more than doing well in school, okay?
It's frustrating. And these recent events haven't helped my dilemma. Ugh. Can I just go to college and be in the company of minds more intelligent than mine? Listen to their views and ideas and learn from them. I want to come up with my own conjectures and theories. I want to research something that will make a difference. I want to associate with the best professors and have access to the best facilities. I want to learn. I want an education.
But then, in the back of my mind, I'm reminded that I want to be a mother. I want to be a stay at home mother. So should I go to BYU? Should I just please my parents, bishop, brother, friends, family and focus on getting married by age 20? But I want the best education I can get! Is it right for me to put off a family for only a couple years so I can become educated? Why can't I consort with the most ambitious young adults for a few years? It's not like I wouldn't go to institute or would date sketchy fellows.
Oh I don't know. I have some time but I'm sick of trying to fit the mold that everyone expects of me. I know this all sounded very jumbled and no, I'm not going to proofread it. Deal with it.
I promise I really am a happy person:)
mechale lauren
p.s. could friday at 2 please come sooner? I'm done with this whole waiting thing.
3.30.2011
3.24.2011
Staying Positive
Quite frankly,
Life Is Good.
I found out some great news today.
Brother Beynon told me something that was said about me and it made me feel GREAT.
Officer tryouts are this coming week and I'm dang excited/jittery/nervous. I reallly want to make it, so we'll have to see!
Hannah and I made a pact to actually get ready everyday this week and its been a great week. Relation?
My brother made a delicious lunch today.
Sewing is going great.
I skinnified some jeans this weekend. They were floods before and now I might be able to bare wearing them.
I'm planning on making this skirt-
cool huh?
I don't really have much else to say.. and I need to work on my portfolio for SBO so bye for now:)
mechale lauren
Life Is Good.
I found out some great news today.
Brother Beynon told me something that was said about me and it made me feel GREAT.
Officer tryouts are this coming week and I'm dang excited/jittery/nervous. I reallly want to make it, so we'll have to see!
Hannah and I made a pact to actually get ready everyday this week and its been a great week. Relation?
My brother made a delicious lunch today.
Sewing is going great.
I skinnified some jeans this weekend. They were floods before and now I might be able to bare wearing them.
I'm planning on making this skirt-
cool huh?
I don't really have much else to say.. and I need to work on my portfolio for SBO so bye for now:)
mechale lauren
3.19.2011
Muramatsu EX #65812
I didn't know I could be in love with an inanimate object. Especially one I don't even own. Yet, as strange as it sounds, I've fallen in love with a flute. The Muramatsu EX. Specifically the one with the serial number 65812. We've been planning on buying a flute for me and it is in our price range so there's a great chance I'll soon be the owner of this little number.
I first met him(I've just decided it's a boy) today at the Utah Flute Association Festival. Very enlightening actually. After workshops, they had TONS of flutes to try and experiment on. I tried many excellent flutes. Some around $10,000.. super expensive. But none compared to my Muramatsu. Not even the more expensive Muramatsus. This might be a strange way to explain a sound, but it has such an emotional sound. It was easy to get a full range of color out of my playing. My tone has never sounded so good. Other flutes I tried felt awkward and uncomfortable in my hands but not little 65812. It was beautiful. He's all I've thought about today. I realize how bizarre and psychotic this all sounds but its true. Every bit of it.
I'm in love with a flute. Yeah, strange, I know.
oh and he has a beautiful crown.
mechale lauren
p.s. I've knocked 1.5 more books off my book list. Half of The Color Purple and The Five People You Meet in Heaven. Both good. The Color Purple is very heavy.. both left a lot to be thought about. But I really like The Five People You Meet in Heaven.
I first met him(I've just decided it's a boy) today at the Utah Flute Association Festival. Very enlightening actually. After workshops, they had TONS of flutes to try and experiment on. I tried many excellent flutes. Some around $10,000.. super expensive. But none compared to my Muramatsu. Not even the more expensive Muramatsus. This might be a strange way to explain a sound, but it has such an emotional sound. It was easy to get a full range of color out of my playing. My tone has never sounded so good. Other flutes I tried felt awkward and uncomfortable in my hands but not little 65812. It was beautiful. He's all I've thought about today. I realize how bizarre and psychotic this all sounds but its true. Every bit of it.
I'm in love with a flute. Yeah, strange, I know.
oh and he has a beautiful crown.
mechale lauren
p.s. I've knocked 1.5 more books off my book list. Half of The Color Purple and The Five People You Meet in Heaven. Both good. The Color Purple is very heavy.. both left a lot to be thought about. But I really like The Five People You Meet in Heaven.
3.17.2011
Jupiter
I know, I know. 3 posts? I'm getting a little crazy. But I had no homework today and I'm in a funk (I didn't even want to watch March Madness...!!) so I'm blogging.
In case you were wondering, I have a favorite symphony. Holst's The Planets Op. 32 Jupiter. All The Planet suites are beautiful, but Jupiter is the favorite. Notice the conductor's face at 3:12. Oh the joy of music. It's my dream to play Jupiter in a symphony. Can you imagine? It's stunningly beautiful. especially 3:05-5:05.
Jupiter- the Bringer of Jollity.
really? I melt when I hear it. I love symphonies. love.
mechale lauren
In case you were wondering, I have a favorite symphony. Holst's The Planets Op. 32 Jupiter. All The Planet suites are beautiful, but Jupiter is the favorite. Notice the conductor's face at 3:12. Oh the joy of music. It's my dream to play Jupiter in a symphony. Can you imagine? It's stunningly beautiful. especially 3:05-5:05.
Jupiter- the Bringer of Jollity.
really? I melt when I hear it. I love symphonies. love.
mechale lauren
Don't You Quit
"Don't you quit. You keep walking. You keep trying. There is help and happpiness ahead. Some blessings come soon, some come late and some don't come until heaven. But for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ they come. It will be alright in the end. Trust God and believe in good things to come."
3.16.2011
Book List
according to the BBC, most people will have only read 6 of the following 100 books listed. So I found this book list on a blog and now I don't remember which.. but apparently, according to BBC, most people have only read 6 of the 100 books. I've read 15 (the bolded ones) but my goal is to read a lot more of them!
3. jane eyre – charlotte bronte
4. harry potter series – JK rowling
5. to kill a mockingbird – harper lee
6. the bible (mostly)
7. wuthering heights – emily bronte *
8. nineteen eighty four – george orwell
9. his dark materials – philip pullman
10. great expectations – charles dickens
11. little women – louisa m. alcott *
12. tess of the d’urbervilles – thomas hardy
13. catch 22 – joseph heller
14. complete works of shakespeare
15. rebecca – daphne du maurier
16. the hobbit – JRR tolkien
17. birdsong – sebastian faulk
18. catcher in the rye – JD salinger
19. the time traveler’s wife – audrey niffenegger
20. middlemarch – george eliot
21. gone with the wind - margaret mitchell
22 the great gatsby - F scott fitzgerald*
24. war and peace - leo tolstoy
25. the hitch hiker’s guide to the galaxy – douglas adams
26. the road – cormac mccarthy
27. crime and punishment - fyodor dostoyevsky
28. grapes of wrath - john steinbeck
29. alice in wonderland - lewis carroll *
30. the wind in the willows - kenneth grahame
31. anna karenina – leo tolstoy *
32. david copperfield - charles dickens
33. chronicles of narnia - CS lewis
34. emma – jane austen *
35. persuasion – jane austen
36. the lion, the witch and the wardrobe - CS lewis
37. the kite runner - khaled hosseini *
38. captain corelli’s mandolin – louis de bernieres
39. memoirs of a geisha – arthur golden
40. winnie the pooh – A.A. milne
41. animal farm - george orwell
42. the da vinci code - dan brown *
43. one hundred years of solitude - gabriel garcia marquez
44. a prayer for owen meaney – john irving
45. the woman in white – wilkie collins
46. anne of green gables - LM montgomery
47. far from the madding crowd – thomas hardy
48. the handmaid’s tale – margaret atwood
49. lord of the flies – william golding
50. atonement – ian mcewan
51. life of pi – yann martel *
52. dune – frank herbert
53. cold comfort farm – stella gibbons
54. sense and sensibility – jane austen
55. a suitable boy – vikram seth
56. the shadow of the wind – carlos ruiz zafon
57. a tale of two cities - charles dickens
58. brave new world - aldous huxley
59. the curious incident of the dog in the night-time - mark haddon
60. love in the time of cholera – gabriel garcia marquez
61. of mice and men – john steinbeck
62. lolita – vladimir nabokov
63. the secret history – donna tartt
64. the lovely bones - alice sebold
65. count of monte cristo - alexandre dumas*
66. on the road – jack kerouac
67. jude the obscure – thomas hardy
68. bridget jones’s diary – helen fielding
69. midnight’s children – salman rushdie
70. moby dick - herman melville
71. oliver twist - charles dickens
72. dracula – bram stoker
73. the secret garden - frances hodgson burnett
74. notes from a small island – bill bryson
75. ulysses – james joyce
76. the inferno – dante
77. swallows and amazons – arthur ransome
78. germinal – emile zola
79. vanity fair – william makepeace thackeray
80. possession – AS byatt
81. a christmas carol – charles dickens
82. cloud atlas – david mitchell
83. the color purple – alice walker*
84. the remains of the day – kazuo ishiguro
85. madame bovary – gustave flaubert
86. a fine balance – rohinton mistry
87. charlotte’s web – E.B. white
88. the five people you meet in heaven – mitch albom*
89. adventures of sherlock holmes – sir arthur conan doyle
90. the faraway tree collection – enid blyton
91. heart of darkness - joseph conrad
92. the little prince – antoine de saint-exupery
93. the wasp factory – iain banks
94. watership down – richard adams
95. a confederacy of dunces – john kennedy toole
96. a town like alice – nevil shute
97. the three musketeers – alexandre dumas
98. hamlet – william shakespeare
99. charlie and the chocolate factory – roald dahl *
100. les miserables – victor hugo*
* Books I reaallly want to read ASAP as possible.
So there it is. I'm going to be a busy little girl:)
Well, the term ends tomorrow. Sing praises. This term has been a beast. I'm ready to crawl in a hole with my books and music never to emerge. That is no exaggeration. Nothing, I repeat nothing is going right lately. I'm just really frustrated and ready to go on a vacation. Get away from it all. I'm doing the right things. Why can't it just work out? I'm done. I want to go to college and start fresh so I can finally be myself and stop pretending.
Also, I just want to do the right things. This is all going to sound dumb but I don't care. Last night when I was praying I got the sudden urge to pray for my future husband. I don't know why.. But I did. While I was praying for him I got the most overpowering surge of love for him. It was weird. I don't even know him, but I hope he knows that I already love him and I hope he's making good choices. Conversely, I hope I'm living worthy of him. I know how bizarre that sounds and trust me, its bizarre, but whatever.
Honestly though, I'm so ready for this year to be over. I'm anxious for officer tryouts in 2 weeks and I hope I make it because if I do, I'll be able to get through the rest of this school year.
In other news, I went to an engineering competition at the University of Utah on tuesday and our team took 3rd in state! really though, that's impressive because it was our school's first year entering and all the other teams have been doing the JETS/TEAMS competition for years. But here's the slight disappointment- there was only 1 point difference between second and third and first and second place teams get scholarships to the U. One point and I could have had a scholarship already to the U. Oh well, we've still got next year! It was a way good experience so that's a bonus.
Well I'm going to go eat dinner.. maybe I'll be back later
mechale lauren
okay. number 1 is missing.. i'll try to recover it haha.
3. jane eyre – charlotte bronte
4. harry potter series – JK rowling
5. to kill a mockingbird – harper lee
6. the bible (mostly)
7. wuthering heights – emily bronte *
8. nineteen eighty four – george orwell
9. his dark materials – philip pullman
10. great expectations – charles dickens
11. little women – louisa m. alcott *
12. tess of the d’urbervilles – thomas hardy
13. catch 22 – joseph heller
14. complete works of shakespeare
15. rebecca – daphne du maurier
16. the hobbit – JRR tolkien
17. birdsong – sebastian faulk
18. catcher in the rye – JD salinger
19. the time traveler’s wife – audrey niffenegger
20. middlemarch – george eliot
21. gone with the wind - margaret mitchell
22 the great gatsby - F scott fitzgerald*
24. war and peace - leo tolstoy
25. the hitch hiker’s guide to the galaxy – douglas adams
26. the road – cormac mccarthy
27. crime and punishment - fyodor dostoyevsky
28. grapes of wrath - john steinbeck
29. alice in wonderland - lewis carroll *
30. the wind in the willows - kenneth grahame
31. anna karenina – leo tolstoy *
32. david copperfield - charles dickens
33. chronicles of narnia - CS lewis
34. emma – jane austen *
35. persuasion – jane austen
36. the lion, the witch and the wardrobe - CS lewis
37. the kite runner - khaled hosseini *
38. captain corelli’s mandolin – louis de bernieres
39. memoirs of a geisha – arthur golden
40. winnie the pooh – A.A. milne
41. animal farm - george orwell
42. the da vinci code - dan brown *
43. one hundred years of solitude - gabriel garcia marquez
44. a prayer for owen meaney – john irving
45. the woman in white – wilkie collins
46. anne of green gables - LM montgomery
47. far from the madding crowd – thomas hardy
48. the handmaid’s tale – margaret atwood
49. lord of the flies – william golding
50. atonement – ian mcewan
51. life of pi – yann martel *
52. dune – frank herbert
53. cold comfort farm – stella gibbons
54. sense and sensibility – jane austen
55. a suitable boy – vikram seth
56. the shadow of the wind – carlos ruiz zafon
57. a tale of two cities - charles dickens
58. brave new world - aldous huxley
59. the curious incident of the dog in the night-time - mark haddon
60. love in the time of cholera – gabriel garcia marquez
61. of mice and men – john steinbeck
62. lolita – vladimir nabokov
63. the secret history – donna tartt
64. the lovely bones - alice sebold
65. count of monte cristo - alexandre dumas*
66. on the road – jack kerouac
67. jude the obscure – thomas hardy
68. bridget jones’s diary – helen fielding
69. midnight’s children – salman rushdie
70. moby dick - herman melville
71. oliver twist - charles dickens
72. dracula – bram stoker
73. the secret garden - frances hodgson burnett
74. notes from a small island – bill bryson
75. ulysses – james joyce
76. the inferno – dante
77. swallows and amazons – arthur ransome
78. germinal – emile zola
79. vanity fair – william makepeace thackeray
80. possession – AS byatt
81. a christmas carol – charles dickens
82. cloud atlas – david mitchell
83. the color purple – alice walker*
84. the remains of the day – kazuo ishiguro
85. madame bovary – gustave flaubert
86. a fine balance – rohinton mistry
87. charlotte’s web – E.B. white
88. the five people you meet in heaven – mitch albom*
89. adventures of sherlock holmes – sir arthur conan doyle
90. the faraway tree collection – enid blyton
91. heart of darkness - joseph conrad
92. the little prince – antoine de saint-exupery
93. the wasp factory – iain banks
94. watership down – richard adams
95. a confederacy of dunces – john kennedy toole
96. a town like alice – nevil shute
97. the three musketeers – alexandre dumas
98. hamlet – william shakespeare
99. charlie and the chocolate factory – roald dahl *
100. les miserables – victor hugo*
* Books I reaallly want to read ASAP as possible.
So there it is. I'm going to be a busy little girl:)
Well, the term ends tomorrow. Sing praises. This term has been a beast. I'm ready to crawl in a hole with my books and music never to emerge. That is no exaggeration. Nothing, I repeat nothing is going right lately. I'm just really frustrated and ready to go on a vacation. Get away from it all. I'm doing the right things. Why can't it just work out? I'm done. I want to go to college and start fresh so I can finally be myself and stop pretending.
Also, I just want to do the right things. This is all going to sound dumb but I don't care. Last night when I was praying I got the sudden urge to pray for my future husband. I don't know why.. But I did. While I was praying for him I got the most overpowering surge of love for him. It was weird. I don't even know him, but I hope he knows that I already love him and I hope he's making good choices. Conversely, I hope I'm living worthy of him. I know how bizarre that sounds and trust me, its bizarre, but whatever.
Honestly though, I'm so ready for this year to be over. I'm anxious for officer tryouts in 2 weeks and I hope I make it because if I do, I'll be able to get through the rest of this school year.
In other news, I went to an engineering competition at the University of Utah on tuesday and our team took 3rd in state! really though, that's impressive because it was our school's first year entering and all the other teams have been doing the JETS/TEAMS competition for years. But here's the slight disappointment- there was only 1 point difference between second and third and first and second place teams get scholarships to the U. One point and I could have had a scholarship already to the U. Oh well, we've still got next year! It was a way good experience so that's a bonus.
Well I'm going to go eat dinner.. maybe I'll be back later
mechale lauren
3.12.2011
Obsessed?
I guess it's just fine if I'm a little in love with Alex Pettyfer. Not even a big deal.
yeah okay abs..
Its fine that I loved him in Beastly. Its fine that I want to see I am Number Four now. Its verrryy fine that he's rumored to play Peeta in Hunger Games coming out sometime next year ish. oh yeahh haha
mechale lauren
p.s. sorry I haven't posted about the final state game. We lost :( needless to say I was devastated. I wanted it so bad. But we had a great season. and props to Highland. They took state in Football and Basketball! Thats impressive!
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