Apparently I'm way into graphic quote things as of late.  I saw this today and it fit in perfectly with what I've been thinking about all day.  Today at flute I had to improv on the repeats of a couple Bach and Handel menuettos.  I hated it.  I'm always follow the book!  If someone gives me a specific task, I'll follow it completely.  Tell me extremely vaguely and leave it up to me, I'll struggle.  I've never considered myself an extremely creative person.  I worry too much about what people think and how they'll react to what I say.  I never ask questions in class.  I keep my opinions to myself.  I 'm an all around people-pleaser.   And that's something I want to change about myself.  I fear what others might say or that they might judge me if I'm wrong so I stay quiet.  By why?   That's no way to live.  I want to live a creative life!  So I need to get over my fear of being wrong.  I feel like I'm the "smart girl" and I hate it.  I feel like when I don't get the high on a test or whatever, everyone around me freaks out.  On every stats, psych and English test this year I'm always asked. "What did you get."  If it was the high, people freak out that I ruin the curve.  If I didn't do as well, they rejoice that "I beat Mechale!".  I'm not perfect!  I make mistakes too.  And it drives me insane that people measure up to me.  Honestly, I'm sure that sounds conceited, but I promise, its not.  I absolutely hate it.  So I think that this is where my fear of being wrong stems from.  It honestly hurts that when I mess up or someone beats me that they act like its a huge deal.  I'm fine if someone gets a score better than me.  That's great!  But its when it turns into "Mechale didn't do very well, even I beat her! What the heck?" that it hurts.  This sounds all wrong, I can't explain it.  But this blog really is for me and my catharsis so whatever.  I just want to be fine with being wrong.  I can handle being wrong, but its the fact that if I'm wrong someone says something to make a big deal out of it that is frustrating.  And now I'm rambling.  But moral of the story-  I want to live a creative and spontaneous life but I feel like I'm held back by judgements I suppose others are making.  Which is no way to live.  Now that I recognize it, though, I can change it.  I don't need to be afraid of making a mistake.

mechale lauren

Expectations

I've been thinking a ton about growing up and moving on. I think I'm ready. I'm ready to finally take my life into my own hands. No one to give me a schedule, no one to wake me up in the morning or make me food. No one to push me to do something. Only me. I can't wait. High school is incredible and I love it but I am more than ready to get away from it all. Yes, I'll be insanely distraught when the year is over and I have to leave my second family, but it's okay. I'm moving on and making my life my own. I have housing, I have roommates, I have orientation, I have scholarships, I got my FAFSA award yesterday. It's all happening and I couldn't be more anxious.

I couldn't be more anxious to leave home, to live my life for me. My parents will no longer loom over me.

I'll live and love and learn for me.

My life is my gift and it's time it becomes mine.

I want to be responsible and accountable to myself, not my parents, not my teachers, not adults in my life who expect things.

I want to be the one with the big, big plans.

I want to be the one with the big, big plans for myself and my life. because I want to make something incredible of my life. Not because someone expects it.

I expect it.

mechale lauren

Beauty and the Beast

I just so happen to be a big fan of Beauty and the Beast. It also just so happens that Bountiful did Beauty and the Beast this year. I went Monday, Thursday and Saturday matinee. And, yes, I could have seen it more. I loved it! I have never wished so bad that I had done musical.. sigh.. I'll just enjoy the shows:)

So.. Thursday when I went I wore my belle dress. Colton (the beast) told me to wear it and I promised I would. So.. I wore it. Yes, little girls came up to me before the show to just say hi. I wore my sweater to detract from exactly this attention but, alas, that failed. Oh well, it was fun! I'll take any excuse to wear that dress. I'm obsessed. Because I wore it Colton told me I could get my picture with him so here we are-


Chelsea (Belle) was fabulous!! Her voice is so incredible. loved it.


Ahh. The best picture of the night:) Beauty and the Beast

mechale lauren

Just for Today

Lets face it. I'm completely overwhelmed. I'm so ready for this week to be over. But I have to keep reminding myself to just take it a day at a time and remember the sage advice from an Ann Lander column. Just For Today-

Just for today I will live through the next 12 hours and not tackle my whole life's problems at once.

Just for today I will improve my mind. I will learn something useful. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.

Just for today I will be agreeable, I will look my best, speak in a well-modulated voice, be courteous and considerate.

Just for today I will not find fault with friend, relative or colleague. I will not try to change or improve anyone but myself.

Just for today I will have a program. I might not follow it exactly, but I will have it. I will save myself from two enemies — hurry and indecision.

Just for today I will exercise my character in three ways. I will do a good turn and keep it a secret. If anyone finds out, it won't count.

Just for today I will do two things I don't want to do, just for exercise.

Just for today I will be unafraid. Especially will I be unafraid to enjoy what is beautiful and believe that as I give to the world, the world will give to me.

And allow me to add- Just for today I will take a deep breath and realize that I can do it.

mechale lauren

Hogwarts will always be there to welcome you home.

I'm having Harry Potter withdrawals. I'm guessing that this will be a common occurrence over the next little while. I may or may not have just spent an hour watching HP videos and I may or may not have cried while watching these two. I've grown up with this story. I started reading the books in 2002. From second grade to senior year Harry, Hermione, and Ron have been my constant companions.

Harry has taught me to have courage even when I feel alone. He taught me to never back down and always persevere. Good will win out. The war will end.

Ron taught me to be happy. He taught me how to be a good friend even if that means standing in the shadows at times.

Hermione taught me to be feminine but most importantly smart. I honestly think that Hermione's love of learning has influenced me to love learning as well. It's cool to be the girl with the 35. It's cool to love math and be math sterling scholar. It's cool to read and learn and be the smart one.

I've learned so many other things through Harry Potter. I will always be indebted to J.K. Rowling. It's amazing to think that this entire Harry Potter world came from her mind. It's inspiring.

If you have ever loved Harry Potter, watch the above videos. They may be slightly nostalgic.

Hogwarts will always be there to welcome me home.

mechale lauren

wind?

I never thought the day would come that I would say- I'M SICK OF DEBATE!

Really, its just too stressful at the moment. let it die. But the last tournament is on Friday so I guess I'll get over it... oh wait, maybe not. It's exactly the same time as the Bountiful vs. Viewmont game. Really? yeah, not okay with that... gag me.

But other than that, it's December!! hallelujah! I love the Christmas season. I started listening to Christmas music on October 17th and I'm proud of it. Last Monday I performed in my flute teacher's annual Christmas concert. It was phenomenal, as per usual. My mother and I performed O Holy Night.

Umm... I really don't have much to blog about. But i needed to blog... just to blog...

I feel a sort of duty to mention the fact that I have survived a category 2 hurricane sans water... so just the wind. It was epic. 2 days off of school, no power for 60 hours, my finger almost getting ripped off (i'm telling the complete truth), church was cancelled so we could clean-up, baskeball game moved to Saturday only for the power to go out with 1:15 left in the game (bountiful 54, american fork 53). it was weird...

so thats about it...

mechale lauren

19 Days...

I was just reading through some of my past posts and drafts (because I write a lot of posts and either never finish them of don't post them) but anyhoo, I wa going through and I saw that last year, the first basketball game was November 23rd against Northridge. This year its on Novemeber 22nd (basically the same day....) against Northridge! weird. or maybe not weird? I don't know...

But since i've brought up basketball...

THE SEASON STARTS IN LESS THAN 3 WEEKS!

i've been counting down since over a month ago...

i really am so dang excited. But ya know, it's kind of bitter sweet. Its my senior year! That means only one more season of basketball in the student section. one more season of getting checked out of school for the games. one more season of seeing the players in class and discussing the games/season/other teams with them. one more season of the anxiety that leads up to state. oh life.

i can't wait for what this season holds.

oh, also, a couple of times last week, I had to stay after school for whatever reason (i think it was debate these times...) and I was done at nearly the same time my dad was getting done with conditioning so i just stopped it. I can't even tell you how excited it made me. i had to time them on a couple of their runs and it was so fun! haha! I can't wait for this season. ahhhhhhhh.

too much excitement.... I'll try to contain myself. maybe.

mechale lauren